Thursday, May 31, 2007

From my friend John:

Cindy,

I wanted to talk to you about this in person but I couldn’t wait. I’m not sure how much you know about what happened to me this last weekend but I want to tell you because I think it will help you with what you are going through with your father.

I killed my self this last weekend by slitting my wrist. I’m not going to go into the reasons why or the act itself but I want to tell you about what if feels like to die.

I was lying on the floor in the entry way of my house watching the blood, which earlier had been a fountain, now trickle out of my wrist. My head got so heavy I couldn’t hold it up any longer and laid my head down on my hands.

You know how you can hear you heart beat when you lay in bed at night in some positions. Well I could hear mine.

THUMP,THUMP, THUMP,THUMP,, THUMP,,,,,THUMP,,,,,,THUMP,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,THUMP,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,THUM

And the world slipped out of my eyes. The throbbing in my wrist stopped, every care you ever had in the world is gone, it is by far and away the sweetest, greatest, most unique experience you can ever imagine. Every muscle in my body relaxed, and a tremendous sense of RELIEF, feels every part of your body.

I could still hear the sirens coming, but from very far away, I heard like a voice fading in the wind, HE’S GOT NO PULSE, NO RESPERATION, BAG HIM. And then just complete peace.


The next thing I knew I was looking up at the ceiling of the ambulance through the clear breathing mask, and heard the EMT say He’s got a heart beat, respiration, and the mask went away and I knew I was going to live.

Dieing is the greatest feeling you will ever have. It’s almost like a reward for living.

I hope this helps.