He bought the Nano to help him through the hours and days of treatment and testing to come. My father has been diagnosed with inoperable and terminal cancer. What we thought was a localized tumor in his duodenum has, in two weeks, become an invader of his vital organs - liver, pancreas, stomach. My father is dying. Chemotherapy, at most, will simply extend his life.
He sits in a chair in my brother's living room listening to a song that only he can hear. His eyes are closed and, at first, I think he is sleeping after a turbulent weekend of sickness and emotion. Then I notice that his feet are moving slightly. Dancing? He has a half-smile on his face and I wonder if he is nostalgic for the past or wistful for the future. I stare at him - what song is he is listening to? Where is he? As if my thoughts were spoken aloud, he opens his eyes and looks at me directly. He stands up and puts the Nano in the portable speakers. His private world opens and engulfs us as the music fills the room - The Texas Waltz.
My sister walks toward the front door to get coffee and my dad intercepts her. He takes her right hand in his and puts the other around her narrow back. In her white eyelet shirt, she looks at once like a small child dancing on dad's feet and like a grown woman, a bride perhaps, dancing at her wedding.
Like a bolt of lightning followed by crashing thunder that is startling even though we should expect it in a thunderstorm, I am struck by grief and begin to silently cry. My dad walks over to me and holds out his hand and I stand up to dance. With my hands on his shoulder and in his tight grasp, I am unable to wipe away the tears streaming down my face. He acknowlegdes my sorrow, looking into my eyes without trying to wipe away my tears, and we dance.
My life has suddenly become a scene from a movie that never fails to bring me to tears. Meet Joe Black has always fascinated me and I watch with the rapt attention of a first time viewer every time I see it. The idea that Death is intruigued by, and comes to love, life. Anothony Hopkins coming to terms with Death as a companion and then as a friend. And the oldest daughter as she is dancing with her father, looking into his eyes and blinking back tears in the moment of realization of who Joe really is.
The song ends and my dad lets me go and I want to grab him like a child and never let go.
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